The Teachings of Kuu
History of the Kuu and the Krau
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This page will give some insight on the whole Kuu and Krau thing if you are interested in becoming a reborn Kuu Sect member. the following text is all true, but some of the names and locations may have been changed to protect bible banging thugs from doing something stupid.

The lovely Mt. Zoovious

Only known photo of Mt. Zoovious cira 1984. Note how it rains gold over this fabled land.

When the Kuu religion was started (or "Awakened" as the sect calls it) is highly debatable, but most scholars think it may have began many years ago in the year 1984. Legion has it that an enormous "butter-nut squash" shaped "stone" with an ominous omni-vision "eye" centered within it's "head" came to the fabled land of "Mt. Zoovious" (only known photo above) without much ado or warning. The stone entity hovered over the land for three days and three nights, during which the Zooviousians took to rapid gambling, looting, and prostitution fearing that the last days were near. But instead of mass distraction and chaos, the stone spoke to the people in song - "I am Kuu, I am Kuu, I'm in your poo and in your drool, I know who's been a fool and who kicked the mule, so lye back and be cool, I'm gunna give you some stolen rules." Then all of the villagers of Mt. Zoovious Zen graphed into an euphoric trance and a vision of a funnel appeared before them. The funnel was smoothly white and the people saw themselves swirling around in all directions only to disappear into its dark elongated orifice. "This will be your destiny if you follow your most powerful current political figurehead," the stone dubbed Kuu said as a matter of factually "this is your WARNING!" Then the Zooviousians saw themselves jutting into mass metamorphosis in the threshold of the funnel exit becoming identical meat tube insecticides marching off into a distant void. Then Kuu was gone. The Zooviousians came back from their zenotrance and instantly noticed some changes . The benign were the instant sexy unitransvestitisms, explosive intestinal gas, and tail sprouting of 93% of the population. The malignant (7% of the populace) have vibro-belts mutated to their stomachs and small evergreens (with small red berries) sprouting from the tops of their heads. But most of all, was Kuu's warning soaked into their brains. The 1st day after "Kuu's departure;" all the citizens of Zoovious had a massive orgy in a lake of sodium-rich distilled water and omega-3 fatty acids
to spruce up the Kuu enlightened population. On the second day of Kuu's Departure (K.D.); the population educated themselves on world politics and paved irate-isms in the 55th autoinflamitories (Interstate 55 road rage). The combination would be the tools needed for the Kuuvolution. The third day of K.D.; the population forged instruments and made interchangeable ritual garments intended to amplify Kuu's message for ceremonies called "Warning Orbs." On the forth day of K.D.; the men and women intoxicated themselves with beer and jammed horrible, non-talents through many wattages of overpriced media enforcers called circuit-board craphed electrical amplifiers. The 5th day of K.D. is when the population burned and distorted the village down into the Masnic period and threw their riches into the sea. On the sixth day after K.D., the population painstakingly constructed vast aqua vessels called "splooge probes" to carry themselves away from the land of Mt. Zoovious. Finally, on the seventh day after K.D. The masses left Mt. Zoovious to influence the world of Kuu's Warnings. Soon after Mt. Zoovious silently sank into the sea never to be seen again. Some say that the fabled Mt. Zoovious lays underneath the Casino Queen deep in the Mississippi River. Today many "Kuu Sects" have sponged-up all over the mid-west, all finding different ways to relate Kuu's Warnings. Skare Krau Radio is one such Sect based in (but now exiled from) Tempora IL that uses musick to lulled the masses in the St. Louis area. Their epic formation is below the Tempora sign........

pawn,twiggyb&w.jpg

This is the only sign - an abandoned "Super K" gas station sign, motorist can view to know that they are nearing Tempora.

The Skarekrauradio and the Tempora Kuu Sect transformation is a trek of a story in itself (you don't have to be reading this). It starts 13 years ago in a far distant land of Monmouth IL in the "international house" of a small backwards regional college, where Hamburger (Twiggy Pawn), Bird-Man (Eric Ostermeier), and Heul-Heul (Joe McDaniel) were set to form an "indie rock" band. They called this band "Scarecrow Radio" and it was good. Fronted vocally by the BirdMan the songs went from atmospheric lullabies called "Jushee" music to twangin' off-tempo hasty drone rants called "jujuju" music. The band prospered for 4 years with very little live exposure and 3 overzealous studio recordings (although Hamburger was not directly involved with the third one). Because Hamburger's guitar playing became more irritatingly chaotic and was only into the "jujuju" songs he drifted quietly from the band to be replaced by John Riggs in a straw hat. During the final year in the band Hamburger made strange 4-track recordings under the name "Fear of Cows" and became more and more interested in pursuing bovine phobia anyway so it was good. And he saw it was good. After leaving Monmouth in 1992, he crawled to Chicago for work and to start a new band. Still under the name "fear of cows" he continued to make music on his four-track and played acoustic songs at an open mic club called the "Inner Towne Pub" in Chicago. One afternoon while riding on a CTA bus with newfound friend "The El Shorty," he was relating a story about the old band he was in Monmouth. When The El Shorty asked what the band was called - Hamburger sneezed at the same time he said "scarecrow radio" and it came out sounding like "A-scareCUWradio." The El Shorty laughed and said "Ascarecuw Radio - hey that's a great name!" So Hamburger went home to his apartment and quickly wrote down this newly transformed name in the best spelling he had (which was horrifically bad) and it was written "Skare Krau Radio." This is how the Tempora Kuu Sect was named even before it was created and it was good. Hamburger then decided to drop his old stage name back to his real name of Twiggy Pawn Wilson and dismissed Fear of Cows forever for Skare Krau Radio. Within months he played in two real gigs with the help of a friend's drum machine at the Czar Bar (now defunct) opening for such great acts as Strawberry, Cornelius Gomez, and a Motley Crue cover band called "Too Fast For Love." Then he got a break and was asked to be on a compilation CD along with other local complicated artists called "The NOW Sounds of Wicker Park" that broadens his horizons and his ego. But Twiggy was lonely on stage by himself and in his recording bedroom, so he set out to find people to play around with. He first met J. Sheppard (of modern "Bride Of NONO" fame) and got together in a park with a bunch of musical oddities and handed them out to a bunch of little kids who happened to be around at the time. Twiggy, J and the kids played and played disjointed instinctive music that meandered into the afternoon like fresh vomit dancing rhythmically in salt water. It was a sunny afternoon and it was good, Twiggy thought, and it would be years until he realized that this type of music was his true calling -a calling for Kuu's musical background expression. Through J. Sheppard, he met a bassist Tom McTighe (of past "Brain Saw" fame) and along with Twiggy's little sister formed a band in the same vain as the park experience called "POP*EYE." They played one gig and it was over, but it was a massive U-turn into an adventure into the spoiled and jaded world of rock in the big city. Twiggy and Tom from "POP*EYE" later formed a two piece band called "Cheerleader" and played two shows. At the second show, a nervous, strange, bony man named Horse Von Krawls (Ed Creagan of modern "Reptilica" fame) loomed over to the band and asked if they needed someone to play drums. So then there were three and it was good. After a few shows a skinny, kooky, hairy man from Tempora named Sea-Mo Blue (Chris Carl of modern "Mouth-to-Mouth" fame) became Cheerleader's new drummer and Von Krawls moved to guitar, so now Cheerleader had become a true four piece rock band and it too was good. In the end Cheerleader's music was like weaving barbed wire with dental floss while riding a unicycle on a telephone wire over a heard of rhinos on speed. They always seemed to be on the edge of musical disaster but always found the hardest way out of it. It was a pretty unique way of handling a band with four intensely creative musicians without killing each other. But being a rock band in Chicago was a dime a dozen and it was hard to get any exposure or recognition no matter how inventive or impressionable the music was. Cheerleader played a many of show all over Chicago at a many different club with a wide diversity of other bands but one thing that was in common with all of the shows was that only a hand full of people would be there to hear Cheerleader's music. Most of those in those hand fulls were the same people who always came to Cheerleader shows....nice but very discouraging. And yes there were a couple of shows that stood out in Chicago, but what was the guiding light to Twiggy perhaps was the shows the Cheerleader band did 277 miles south in Tempora IL. The people in Tempora welcomed Cheerleader as if the circus had come to town and many people came....no one in Cheerleader expected such a warm reception. Twiggy knew then that these were his people. And this was good.

cheerleader

Cheerleader (l-r)Sea-Mo Blue, Tom Mctighe, Twiggy Pawn, and Horse Von Krawls.

During Twiggy's time in Cheerleader he was still quietly pursing his Krau music, releasing two cassette tapes called "Reflecting finger Monaural Skin Job" in 1993 and "The Muthors of Poil" in 1997. These were 4-track wonders that included other musical crafters which was the way Twiggy was able to influence other talents into the Twiggy's insane little brain. These folks include The El Shorty, Rachel Creager, The Ab R-3000, Jamie Rivers, Horse Von Krawls, Sea-Mo Blue, Mr. Curious, Tom McTighe, Josh Vance and Cliff Caruthers. But one of the problems with these two tape releases was that the music was constricted in the stale walls of a four-track environment - The music needed to "freshen" and be "organically irritated." The Freshness factor theory came from the likes of Mr. Curious and his eye-ball parade that Twiggy strangely met in a park one day 9 years ago. This freshness influence on Twiggy would not be felt until years later when Twiggy agreed to be Mr. Curious' drummer in his band "Fresh Vegetables." The Fresh Vegetables never rehearsed and just haphazardly played shows, and most of them were very hilarious mainly because no one (including Twiggy) knew what was going to happen or what Mr. Curious would say next. Twiggy saw this as an enhancement to comfortably confuse people euphorically thus keeping them entwined in the music. The "irritainment" can be traced back when Twiggy played guitar for Josh Vance's band "The Pussies." The Pussies practiced blitzing and reverse-processing the binary stanzas of lazy blues with heed fast heart rhythms. Once there, they would throw it all into a contorting sonic blender with a pinch of equally insane tape loops wondering off in the background. The spider-like meandering noise that came out of all of this was irritating to most ears but to Twiggy - it was the spiritual bubble that lifted him from always following the rules of rock and quite possibly his awakening into the world of Kuu. The Pussies was also the band where he first played music with drummer Jamie Rivers. The organicness influences came from playing in a side-recording project with Tom Mctighe called "30/30 Vision." The main idea of this experiment was to make 30 songs at 30 seconds each with the same exact lyrics for every one. They made it to 15 songs before changing the lyrics and the length of the songs, but it built limitations thus evolution had to take over for the music to survive. Using no effects on any of the instrumentation did this (don't ask why); thus using instruments that were not meant to be instruments, and only doing one impulsive take during recordings. Doing retakes would have lost all the fun in making these songs. This practice along with the irritating freshness would be used in all future SkR recordings and projects including the upcoming "Rods of Love" and "FeelPee ep" CD's both due out in May.

In mid-1999 while sleeping, parts of Twiggy's DNA started producing proteins, which produced magical phenotypes linked to his Kuu zygotian past. As it turns out, back when Twiggy was just a meat zygote he lived in Tempora IL inside his mom. Ironically Twiggy's ancestry can be linked back to Mt. Zoovious during its time of the Kuu revolution. Twiggy woke to find himself out of place in Chicago and that everything he was involved with seemed to be in vain. During this time Cheerleader disbanded with the arrival of Tom Mctighe's daughter Isabel, opening a chance to put together a Skare Krau Radio band with the remaining members and others who were involved with the Krau cassette releases.. It was a hasty attempt because the members of this Krau band had problems keeping everyone at peace and power struggles developed. Something went astray with the direction of this first Skare Krau troop. After Twiggy's newly found DNA expression he developed a drive to seek out a special friend of his - The Void. Two years earlier The Void and Twiggy became friends because both shared interest in each other's four track music. In fact, Twiggy laid some tracks down on the Void's music as well did Jamie Rivers and Sea-Mo blue. But the Void was missing somewhere on the west coast and Twiggy had an incredible calling to find her. That calling was Kuu itself manipulating Twiggy's genes to become free of responsibility and rational thought (in which he would also free in the way he handles the Kuu sect today) and just leave Chicago to find the Void. So he dropped everything including his job, cat, gurlfriend, and the Krau band itself and jumped in to his wagon and headed west. Lucky thing thou because his "awakened" genes also came with a homing device to aid Twiggy to find the Void called the "Voidar translogtace." During his travels following the Voidar it became easier to feel Kuu's presence within him, and it became clear that finding the Void meant more than playing music together. Eight days later Twiggy found the Void in Portland Oregon living in a crack apartment complex. After a week retreat in the red woods the two came to the conclusion that they must go back to where Kuu has last spoken. Since Mt Zoovious is no longer, the next logical place to settle was Tempora IL. This is where the yet to be formed Kuu Sect will be formed as well as the Skare Krau Radio band.